I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
