cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
