You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
