I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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