We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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