Yo dont text me then not text me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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