apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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