I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
