It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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