I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
