How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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