I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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