Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
