I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
