dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
