don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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