I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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