i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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