What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
