I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
