Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
