:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
