Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
