If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
