i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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