I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
