Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
