That's intense
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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