i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
