I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
