you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
