ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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