Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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