she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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