He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
