Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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