Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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