If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
