my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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