I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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