If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
