I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
