Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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