Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
