Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
