Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
