I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
