One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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