I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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