Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
